Go with the flow

Wow...it's been almost a year since I have written on here....

here it goes...

This last year has brought an interesting turn of events into my life. I've found the best friends I could ever have, the love of my life and the overwhelming peace that comes with knowing God is on your side. I've started my senior year at Clemson, and loving every minute of it. It's not like freshmen year when you were running around trying out everything...I've found my niche, where I fit perfectly, and I'm really enjoying that. God has blessed me to be a leader in our campus ministry and I pray daily that he uses me to have his will be done. We can get caught up in thinking that this ministry is better than that one, and we do this better....but really that's not what it's all about. Its about increasing the kingdom of God...through all of our efforts.

We talked a lot over the weekend about being a spirit led ministry, and I really hope that continues to be our focus not only this year, but in the years ahead. We can get stuck in the rut of doing the same things over and over again...even when God isn't leading us in that direction anymore. This is the time to reflect and evaluate where this ministry is being led...and actually going where God tells us to...even if it means change.

This has been a great lesson not only for our ministry, but in my personal life. We all come into college thinking that we know exactly what our values are and exactly what we're going to do after college....haha. I think God has led me down his path (which had many twists and turns in it) to get me to where I am now. Where I know he is in control, and really that is all that matters. As long as I am seeking his voice through all the noise, I'm gonna be ok.

I thought I was going to be an engineer, doctor, nurse, psychologist, do research with the CDC...nope. While God could have used me in all of those positions....I think the broad picture of MBA, MPA, HR, or non profits....is where I'm going to end up. And right now I'm ok with leaving the picture fuzzy...because eventually He will make it extremely clear where he wants me to go. I could end up in hospital administration, managing a non profit, or working in the concert industry....you never know. And I'm ok with that....which is saying a lot coming from Miss. Plan my life down to the second.

This year has taught me to let go of the reigns and have the faith to go with the flow because when you are trusting in Gods plan instead of your own....nothing "bad" can happen. It's all according to his plan. That's really freeing.

Honestly, why I have been able to transition into this deeper faith is because of Hunter. Yes, yes...I know none of you want to hear about all that mushy stuff...but I'm completely serious. Hunter lives his life with a faith like I've never seen before which pushes me to focus on my relationship with God. I want to know Him more because Hunter does. The focus of our relationship has been keeping God as the center..and I've never had anything like that before. I'm able to see Hunter's faith play out each and every day: whether it is being patient with God changing his plan to go to grad school or simply saying a loving word when he could reply harshly. He's my best friend and better half and has made me a better woman because of it.

So I guess I'll end on that note. I know there are times when it seems like there's no reason to hope...but there is. God is carrying you through the storm, you have to be patient for the rainbow on the other side. (Think about Noah!!)

I love you all! (And might see some of you on the rafting trip tonight!) :)

A Road Home

http://aroadhome.wordpress.com/

If you've never read this blog, you need to. It's the story of some friends of mine who are working to adopt their son from Ethiopia. The journey is still going on, but God is good and will provide. If you like t-shirts, coffee or bracelets you should check it out and buy some swag to help support them.

I love these people from the bottom of my heart!

Patience

I think it's time to reevaluate, a time to change
A time to reinvent in this heart game.
Perspectives are altered, emotions flow deep
What is this feeling creeping up on me?
The seeds have been planted, the water rushes in,
How far will I drift before I begin to swim?
He's the current, my rushing tide
Starting swimming instead of along for the ride.
The catalyst sparked my reaction quickly,
His praise I'll sing, I'll not grow weary.
Though I jumped with the faith I have,
I pray this growth continues at last.
Relationships are tricky, but now I see,
God's controlling them all, not me.
So take heart, my loves, it'll all work out,
Patience with wise initiative is what it's about.

Required: Heels, friendship, feeding

So God has shown me four things today: 

1. It is ok to wear heels just to feel good about yourself. 
2. Real friendships are a must in my life. 
3. Deep conversation is healing. 
4. I need to be fed. 

I guess I'll start off with the first one. So, I was thinking about what I was going to wear today in the shower. No, I am not one of those people who lays out my clothes the night before. Typically, I just find a few things in my laundry basket and put them on. But, on occasion, I like to look nice. This may range from me wanting to look nice for work, or just having a crappy week and wanting to boost my self esteem a little. So, how I got to thinking about the heels thing was that I have a certain outfit I would usually wear heels with............if I wasn't on Clemson campus. You get weird looks when you go to class and you're wearing heels, and this bothers me! I thoroughly enjoy wearing heels. They help feed the girly side of me. Not to mention the fact that I'm just a tad bit obsessed with shoes. But anyways....I got to thinking about what it is that makes me wearing heels so wrong....and you know what I came up with? A big nothing! If I want to wear heels with an outfit, I should. Yes, there are always exceptions to the rule. I just want the option of wearing heels without getting all the strange looks. 

Number 2. Well...number 2 and 3 kinda go together. Why is it that some friendships always stay at a shallow level and others progress to deep ingrained friendships that are really a part of you? From what I've witnessed, it seems to be the amount of true conversation you have. Not the...."oh how was your day? Fine" conversations...the conversations where you pour yourself into someone. You let your walls come down and share yourself with another person. I try to stick to this philosophy: even if you keep your walls up, eventually my heart is going to pour so much of me out...that some will get through the walls. Sometimes it's just a trickle that gets through, other times it's like the floodgates have opened and the walls come crashing down. Relationships happen when there is a mutual sharing of each other. God meant for us to communicate with one another, and with Him. Which is why he strives to have an intimate relationship with you. Don't you think that his example of what he wants for us to have with him is what he wants for all of our relationships? To be full of dynamics and growth, not stagnant. Our lives are all about the relationships we make, so why not work on making a few of those relationships go a little deeper, instead of keeping them inch deep. The deeper relationships are going to be the ones that will always be there, the ones you can rely on, and lean on when times are difficult. God doesn't want us to go through this life alone, which is why I cherish my relationships/friendships. I know that no matter what I have going on in my life, I always have someone to lean on. Intense conversation is what I live for. It allows me and the other person to grow and open up about ourselves. So basically....if you ever need a venting session: I'm your girl. A wise man once said, "God gave you two ears and one mouth so you can listen twice as much as you talk." I truly believe that...so take some time to listen, you'll be amazed at what you hear when you're being still and silent in God's presence. Or even just on the lookout for Him, He has mysterious ways, and may use the most unexpected person to get through to you. 

Number 4: Basically I just realized that I need to find a Bible study that will be diving into the word. Freshman year my bible study spent an entire year going through Ephesians. It was absolutely incredible. I am hungry for God's word in my life. Yes, I can certainly be fed by bible studies that read the passage and go over it, but I want the deeper discussions. I want to take some time to really dig at what the Lord is trying to speak into our lives through His word. These past two years, I haven't been getting what I need in terms of a church group or bible study group. I just want to listen to where God is leading me and pursue that path, because that will be the way I will most get fed. I require digging into the word. I require the deeper discussions because this is one of the ways I feel closer to God. It  helps me understand the beauty of Him so much more and that's something I want to see always. 


Anyways, I love yall. If you ever need anything, just ask. I'm here to serve. 

From dismal to cheerful in 3.5 months

The multitude of God's love continues to amaze me. He is good, all the time, all the time, he is good. lol But really...he is! I am so blessed by my friends, family, faith and joy that exists within my life. Let me give you the low down on what has happened in my life this past month. First, I packed up and came back to this beautiful place called Clemson, SC. The Lord uses the sky as his canvas here very often. I see how my artistic abilities have derived directly from God's hands. He shaped me, his daughter, into the person I am by giving me an eye for detail, among other things. It was so wonderful to be back here at Clemson, and don't worry it still is. 


Then, I was in training for a week. This involved getting to know my fellow directors and really diving into what makes TigerPaw Productions so special. I can sincerely say that I love my job. No matter how stressful it may be. I love it. I am able to participate in bringing students jobs and then through them bringing them entertainment. We take a completely empty coliseum and transform it into something magical....not many people can say that. I also got the perks of having a picnic on the roof of Littlejohn and going white water rafting with the group. 


Very soon after training I got invited over to David B.'s apartment. Well...David B.'s apartment ended up being David R.'s apartment. And here is where the story begins. As soon as I walk in, I kinda tackle Marlon in an epic hug. I get introduced to Justin, David R., Katie, and Bryan. As the weeks unfold I hang out with Marlon more and more over at Berkeley. This gets me involved in Wesley. Clemson Wesley leads to the greatest friends and fellowship that I have had in a long time. These are the type of friends you look for your entire life and are very fortunate to find. God has blessed me with a group of people that supports, loves, encourages, grows and changes. You're welcomed in and surrounded by God's love. You find yourself falling in love with their love of our Lord. The intimate relationships they have with Him are so apparent. There's ups and downs in every group of friends but you see that they'll keep you accountable and really help you any way they can.


The amazing bundle of joy that has also come into my life very recently is my baby brother Jameson. I was only around him for 3 days and already I'm in love. I can't wait to show him the world. To teach him things I taught Mason and to see him grow and develop into the man God made him to be. He may only be a week old...but he's going to do great things in his life. I just hope I'm around to spectate. : )


 Back to Wesley, I've only been around this group for a month and I'm hooked. I find myself wanting to be around this group more and more because I can truly be myself. That's not something you find in every group of friends. In our society, you're typically asked to mold yourself into whatever cliche clique that you may or may not fit into. You're asked to hide your quirks and scars so that only the facade you've built up shows. Who wants to do that? It's too much work if you ask me. Which is why I'm overjoyed to have the friends I do. I'm thanking you in advance for all you're going to bring to my life. Let the journey begin..... 

What's this kind of Love?

Lately God has been speaking some amazing words into my life. I feel satisfied and renewed knowing I'm in his presence. The book I've been reading and Bible study last night have laid some big convictions on my heart. God is love. We all know this, we've all heard this, but there's only about 1% of people who truly understand what that means. In my interpretation, this means that by loving people we are showing them God. But, as was said in Bible study last night, 1 Corinthians 13 not only talks about the love between a man and his wife, but the love we all must have for one another. We can never hope to expand the kingdom of God if first we don't outwardly the ones that God does. This means no judgement, no hate, no bitterness towards the people who have wronged you or that you feel are "unworthy" of God's love. Sin is sin no matter what, so what's holding you back? We are all sinners and have fallen short of the glory of God. ALL of us. So why are we constantly hating on not only those who we judge, but those closest to us? I feel that we are letting ourselves get in the way too much. We're thinking that WE cannot get past what that person did to us, or their sinful actions...but...what we have to remember is that: it's not our job to take care of their sin, Jesus died for all of our sins upon the cross. That lie you told, that money you stole, that heart you broke, that lust you have.....he already took care of those so that we can be freed to work entirely on loving on his people. and that means everyone.

My biggest thing is that I've been struggling with this idea for some time. I thought I'd forgiven people, but really I was holding a bitterness inside that was keeping me from fully embracing that relationship. I wasn't loving them, I was looking at their sin and judging. And who am I to judge??? I certainly don't want to be the one under the magnifying glass, because I know I've sinned. But I guess my point is...that I've gotten past that and I'm trying to in all my relationships. I'm no mind reader so I don't know how each of you receives love, but I'm gonna try none the less. I want to love you like Jesus does. I become less and HE becomes more.

He is big enough to satisfy all my needs, I just have to let him. I haven't been giving him access to all area's of my life. Relationships is the biggest one that I need to let him take over, and I'm trying to. I guess I always knew I loved my friends and especially family (which some overlap both) but...I kept trying to fill that void with a relationship. I don't want that anymore. I want all my relationships to be God breathed but more importantly, for him to be the focus. I don't want to babble on about this but I do want to ask one thing, please pray for my future husband. I have no idea who he is, or where he is, or what he's doing, but you that are closest to me will probably know it before I do. This has been the challenge God has given me, to pray for my future husband, but also to seek God first, not the man I'll eventually marry. To be patient and allow Him to fill me. Which is exactly what I'm working on doing.

Anyways....yall mean the world to me. You've been my friends through good times and bad. You may be a new friend or an old one. But know....I love you through the good times and the bad, I'm always here for you.

July 19, 2010

You Turn Me Upside Down

So there's this funny thing about making your own lists and goals and what not....sometimes...they were never meant to happen. In my case, the list that starting this blog was all about what I was going to accomplish this summer. I was going to apply to medical school, take the MCAT and basically get prepared to graduate in the spring. However, God decided to laugh at my plans and make a much better strategy for me. First he gave me absolutely no desire to apply for medical school.........now if you don't know me...this is a HUGE CHANGE to what I was before. This past year my entire focus has been on how to better myself to get into med school....but instead...I needed to better myself by focusing entirely on God. To take out all the distractions of life that come from jobs and school and relationships and "be still in His presence". That's my happy place.....chatting it up with God. He needed to "break" me, the cycle I was in....that was taking me no where...and especially not closer to Him. This was a major problem. God loves me, He wants an intimate relationship with me....one where when I'm down at my lowest I praise Him to be alive...and when I'm at my highest I am humble before Him knowing He is good. Because oh my goodness, He is. It's so obvious in the world around us...but typically we're too blindsighted to see the beauty of His creation...that each and every one of us takes for granted. Just like I took for granted having the desire to go to medical school. 

I've always known that I have a heart for missions. I feel an utter longing to go. Anywhere. Everywhere. To preach the good news of Christ. And yet....when I thought about college....I didn't think about missions work, I thought instead about the lingering future. I thought about my goals and what I wanted to do, instead of what God has been calling me all my life to do. Missions. So no more medical school for me, unless He places that direction on my heart. He's oriented my plan to reflect His...which is for me to do nursing, which will enable me to take part in missions work much more quickly than if I had gone the medical school way. It is such a joy to see what the Lord is doing in my life, and what He will continue to do. I only pray that I have the discernment to know that he's the pilot of this love story...I'm just along for the ride.